Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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