I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
