it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
