Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
