Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
