But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
