dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
