Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is the high leading the old right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
