i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this hospital has no fireball
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God I need to hump something, right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
