I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
