worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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