Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
did i walk over a car last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
