u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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