I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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