So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
