Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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