If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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