Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
