I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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