today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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