Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
