Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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