I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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