nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
