So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
