I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize
