I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
