her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
