the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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