shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
