Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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