Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
