Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
