Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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