Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
