yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
