no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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