me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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