I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Umm I'm too high to move.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Terrible idea I love it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
