me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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