I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
