she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
