I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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