im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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