I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
