We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
