I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
