I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
