We won't sleep together?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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