how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
